I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
