Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The air was thick with penises
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize