Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
