is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
