So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
