My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
