i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
