Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize