so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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