I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i out mim tonsoeep
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
