We won't sleep together?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
