where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just pynch a tree in the face
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
