Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
