Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
