Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
