Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
