You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
