she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
