Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
