we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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