that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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