he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
