ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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