have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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