plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
