Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
