Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
