I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
