OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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