I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
