i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
