I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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