i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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