I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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