i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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