see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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