I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
