i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
