A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
