I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
