We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
