the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
