i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude i'm inner monologue high
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
