Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
