Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
