summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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