Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
