ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
