Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
