i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
