i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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