I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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