Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
