Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
