My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
