So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize