Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
birth control should be required to get into college
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
