i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize