How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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