I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
