In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
