Im at strip club and am horny
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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