Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
