Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
