1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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