Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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