Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
