I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
