My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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