I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
