I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
